Learning to Shrug: One Man's Misadventures in Apathy

I had one of those days again today. You know the type. It all started with Facebook. Of course it did . As usual, I was checking my News Feed for the god-knows-what'th time, minding my own business by creeping on everybody else's, rapidly scanning over the boring statuses for pictures of girls in swimsuits (seriously spring and summer, come on ), when I found the following gem that had been shared by one of my acquaintances: "Well that doesn't seem so bad." - The four rational people left on earth. If there was EVER a reason to boycott something....? Yeah, I can't do this anymore. The person who posted this is no longer my (Facebook) friend ( yeah, take that, asshole ). This goes for similar future posts as well. When somebody shares something like this, I will remove them from my virtual life, and, in doing so, will unavoidably enrich my real-life life. It logically follows that if I delete everybody from my virtual life, that my real-life...

We need to talk. You're uncomfortable; curious, but uncomfortable. I can see that. You look like you're maybe already adopting a defensive position at your keyboard. You know what this is about, don't you?  I'd like you to relax. Here's what I AM going to do: I'm going to talk about gun control in a pragmatic, sensible, objective-as-possible manner. Here's what I'm NOT going to do: take your guns. I'm going to repeat that: I, Josh, will not take your guns. I am a writer, not a sorcerer. You can read this particular entry about gun control, and when you are finished, you will still have whatever guns you had when you began. Barring some sort of obscure coincidence beyond my control, I can guarantee this. I swear it to you . Can you lower your weapons for a second and maybe open your mind? Wisdom and enlightenment are choices, and an open mind is a mandatory prerequisite. So relax and read and think for yourself. If you are still defensive, pleas...

" Dude you bartenders are the greatest. No, hey... I really mean that. Seriously. I love you. And you're the best one. I MEAN THAT. HEY... Seriously. No. Seriously." - Drunk People -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Let me guess, you had one hell of a week. You've just spent several hours bathing, dressing, doing your hair, hydrating, and pre-funking, and now you're in the mood to   truly defile both your liver and your good standing in the community. It's ( insert day of the week here ) night, and you've simply no desire to remain even remotely sober for a single second longer. Your pain is a familiar one to me. I can help you. I was just like you, once. Roughly 9 months ago, my career as a bartender was conceived in a most unexpected fashion. As I wandered the streets of Moscow on either Mardi Gras or St. Patrick's Day (am I the only one who can'...

When I last left you, humble readers, I was enthralling you with a tale from my past that had a point that I hadn't gotten to yet, and included two key characters thus far: 1) The Man in Red - either Santa or Satan, depending on whether or not you're stupid enough to believe that Santa is real. 2) The Action Figure in Blue - Billy! Billy the Blue Ranger!  While I have significantly nicer things to say about the latter, the former is who the second half of this entry will focus on primarily in the interest of reaching that point that I keep telling you that this blog entry definitely has. In case you missed the first half of the entry, RECAP: A man dressed as Santa used to come to my house a week or two before Christmas in an attempt to steal any innocence I had remaining, but would always leave a shweet toy (like Billy!) next to my lifeless body after I passed out from the sheer horror of his presence. Because of a significant and easily exploited loophole in th...

"Holy Cynicism, Batman... You had some pretty harsh words for humankind in your first post. It was your first effing post . Have you always been such a dick ?" I do apologize for that. The honest answer is... well... kind of, yeah. It's manifested itself in various ways depending on the period of my life we're discussing, but the underlying causal personality trait has always been the same.  To a harsher critic, it would seem as though my attitudes are laced with skepticism. To a more sympathetic crowd (my mother comes to mind here), it's a much kinder word: curiosity . When asked to describe yourself, especially at a certain point in your life, you could do a couple of different things: 1) compose a list of traits that you possessed at that time, or 2) tell a story that is very you . We all have these stories. They don't necessarily have to be long, but they say a lot . A list of personality characteristics will give people a pretty accurate idea of y...