Learning to Shrug: One Man's Misadventures in Apathy

Hello, beloved readers... Many apologies for the delay in posting. I can't remember if I mentioned it or not in my blog, but one of the problems with me having a blog is that I'm not inherently a creative person. I have an analytical mind; a mind like a computer, but with significantly more error messages. Also, I don't seem to have the password. Allow me to explain. The human mind is an incredible thing, and there are actually a number of different types of intelligence that scientists have identified and labeled as being distinct from one another (this sounds like a blog for another day). My particular brain is a vast network of interconnected knowledges and memories, as most of ours are (some are not so vast). The biggest difference lies in where my strengths are. The following picture and uber-technical explanation will help demonstrate what I'm talking about: Pictured: Neurons and stuff ( probably actual size ) Those big glooby circular thing...

I had one of those days again today. You know the type. It all started with Facebook. Of course it did . As usual, I was checking my News Feed for the god-knows-what'th time, minding my own business by creeping on everybody else's, rapidly scanning over the boring statuses for pictures of girls in swimsuits (seriously spring and summer, come on ), when I found the following gem that had been shared by one of my acquaintances: "Well that doesn't seem so bad." - The four rational people left on earth. If there was EVER a reason to boycott something....? Yeah, I can't do this anymore. The person who posted this is no longer my (Facebook) friend ( yeah, take that, asshole ). This goes for similar future posts as well. When somebody shares something like this, I will remove them from my virtual life, and, in doing so, will unavoidably enrich my real-life life. It logically follows that if I delete everybody from my virtual life, that my real-life...

We need to talk. You're uncomfortable; curious, but uncomfortable. I can see that. You look like you're maybe already adopting a defensive position at your keyboard. You know what this is about, don't you?  I'd like you to relax. Here's what I AM going to do: I'm going to talk about gun control in a pragmatic, sensible, objective-as-possible manner. Here's what I'm NOT going to do: take your guns. I'm going to repeat that: I, Josh, will not take your guns. I am a writer, not a sorcerer. You can read this particular entry about gun control, and when you are finished, you will still have whatever guns you had when you began. Barring some sort of obscure coincidence beyond my control, I can guarantee this. I swear it to you . Can you lower your weapons for a second and maybe open your mind? Wisdom and enlightenment are choices, and an open mind is a mandatory prerequisite. So relax and read and think for yourself. If you are still defensive, pleas...

" Dude you bartenders are the greatest. No, hey... I really mean that. Seriously. I love you. And you're the best one. I MEAN THAT. HEY... Seriously. No. Seriously." - Drunk People -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Let me guess, you had one hell of a week. You've just spent several hours bathing, dressing, doing your hair, hydrating, and pre-funking, and now you're in the mood to   truly defile both your liver and your good standing in the community. It's ( insert day of the week here ) night, and you've simply no desire to remain even remotely sober for a single second longer. Your pain is a familiar one to me. I can help you. I was just like you, once. Roughly 9 months ago, my career as a bartender was conceived in a most unexpected fashion. As I wandered the streets of Moscow on either Mardi Gras or St. Patrick's Day (am I the only one who can'...